In the big world of marriage troubles, God’s Word provides the only real solution. Divorce is always an easy answer, but God hates divorce, and it ought to be a last resort reserved for cases of infidelity or other sins of similar magnitude.
But living in a state of long-term misery is no solution either. So let’s just consider a few principles that might produce some measure of improvement. At least it will be moving you in the right direction. It’s always easy to make things worse, so let’s think about how we can make things better. Even if you can’t change your husband, you can change your own heart and attitude. So let’s start there.
1. Think about what you could improve rather than only focusing on what your husband could do better. Confess your own sins rather than his.
2. Consider his perspective. What is it like for him to be married to you?
3. Do not harbor resentments. Love covers a multitude of sins. Ask God for that kind of love.
4. Once you’ve forgiven something, don’t bring it up again. God doesn’t do that to you.
5. Harping and nagging are always negatives. Cut him some slack.
6. Express gratitude. Surely he is doing something right. Thank him for those things.
7. When he asks you what’s wrong, don’t say “nothing” unless that is really true.
8. Don’t attribute motives (“He said that because….”). There is no way of knowing for sure unless you ask him, and it’s unfair to put your husband on trial when he has no opportunity for defense.
9. Are you trustworthy? Is he safe with you? Do you tell him the truth?
10. Remember what it was that attracted you to him in the first place. He must have had some qualities that you appreciated. Remind yourself of those things rather than thinking only of how he is falling short.
None of these are “quick fix” answers to weighty problems. But they can help you move from a state of unhappiness to a state of contentment, even in the midst of troubles. Finally, and most important, remember your vows. You made promises about better and worse, rich and poor, sickness and health. Ask God to help you keep those promises.
